Well, another holloween has come and gone. We thought about going to the mall and meeting up with an army of Bean's day care friends, but we thought it would just be too hectic. They planned to meet at the mall for god's sake. But around 4:30 we decided we should suck it up and take one for the team, so we piled into the Rav4 and off we went. When we got there parking was a nightmare, lots of poeple. But we found a spot, got out and called one of the moms. She said they were leaving early because they were all too tired. So we went in and at the first attempt Bean choked and said she wanted to go home. So we got in the car and one the way home she said she wanted to go to the resturant and have Thai food. So we went to the Thai resturant and she had 'the usual'. Then we tricked a treated for a few more minutes and came home. We didn't carve pumpkins this year. Bean boycotted any attempt to buy pumpkins at the store all week because she doesn't like to eat them. We explained that we don't need to eat them, just carve them. But it was 'no, no, no'.

I went to see Inglourious Basterds a few weeks ago with my good friend Joseph. We got the theater and were waiting for the movie to start. I was complaining about a stiff neck or something and Joseph said he had something for it. I didn't respond so Joseph said "I'm talking about my cock." This seemed appropriate given the nature of the film we were about to enjoy. As we were giggling to ourselves an older lady, about 60 or so, turned around with a scowl on her face and said "I don't need to hear that, I really don't". Neither of us said anything, we were a little caught off guard. I was sitting there from time to time during the movie wondering if the lady was maybe in the wrong theater. I mean, it seemed really strange for someone to complain to us about profanity a few minutes before seeing what they were about to see. Anyhow, watch the profanity at Tarantino movies, else an old lady might yell at you.

I went to college with a guy named Clifford. He was known as “Skip” in our small town of a few thousand farmers and GM workers, outside Flint. Skip was a year older than me and we’d grown up together in this small town, each of us getting athletic scholarships to Michigan State University. Skip was playing football via his 6-5 265 pound frame and I was a scrawnier ‘big ten’ wrestler recruited at 118 lbs. We were the perfect roommates living in a large campus dorm on a floor split up across a guy and girl wing of a couple hundred kids.

Skip was a bit of a prankster. One thing he loved doing was getting me to look at shits he took that were unusual. Most of the time, these were really big poops and he loved seeing the surprised look on my face. Sometimes I just didn’t want to take the time and since he was so much bigger than me, he would physically carry me to the bathroom and point my head downward at the toilet. He didn’t have a lot of patience.

One morning before an 8 o clock class I was in there doing my business and I laid quite an egg. The thing was basically shaped like a softball, almost perfectly round and unusually large. It was very hard to believe it was mine. This was something skip had to see. I went to wake him up and surprisingly he jumped right up out of his waterbed in his tighty whities and to take a look. This was probably the first and last time I had gotten him to check out one of my duties.

He was surprised and excited. He was so impressed he instantly got an idea to ‘do something’ with it. Without telling me what that meant he started foraging around the room looking for tools. He eventually came back to the toilet with an empty coolwhip container and a wire coat hanger. He fished the ball out and put it into the plastic dish. He opened the door, peered out and then made a break for it. I looked out to see a 265 pound defensive end of our football team racing down the hall way with my turd in a plastic bowl. He had almost white spiky hair matching his underwear tone. Our hallways were really long and bent at about a 30 degree angle halfway down. At these bends were quarter sphere bronze ashtrays built into the wall. Skip dumped my dump into the ashtray and raced back.

Later that day at lunch, it was basically the talk of the floor, as we gathered at the one big usual table in the cafeteria. Some people thought it was funny, but most people were pretty mad, determined to find out ‘who shit’ in the ashtray. Most thought it was skip because he was one of the few deranged enough to do something like that and the size of the dropping was something that had to come from such a large person.  

Hours and classes went by the whole day and the shit was in the ashtray, there it stayed. No one had the nerve to deal with it, it started to stink. The following morning we got a knock on our dorm room door, it was the R.A. asking for money to pay the hazmat fee for clean up. It ended up costing everyone on the floor something like 20 bucks or something to clean up.

No one ever found out it was mine. For all you still out there that remember 88's poop in the ashtray incident at west wilson hall at Michigan State, I appologize.

Taking care of a 4 year old really isn't all that hard.

 

Around 6 or so is dinner time. Try to stress eating the veggies, which is always an uphill battle.

Bed time is 9 to 9:30...it depends on how tired the kid is. And you know, if she's up until 10, no big deal.

At about 8 or 8:30 is bath time. Fill the tub, make sure it's not too hot. Then tell her to take a bath. She'll insist on washing her own hair etc etc, so just let her and then probably ask her from time to time how it's going. At the end you'll want to cover her forehead and dump water on her head, making sure all the yucky shampoo is out. Then she'll get out and stand on the mat, and you just towel dry her off and ensure she puts her night time diaper on and pajamas. Then you give her a teaspoon of the fish oil in the fridge (in a blue bottle) and maybe some soy milk. Now, since you are babysitting, you can make the decision on maybe a little ice cream. I know...it is crazy, but that is the fun part, being the uncle and all.

 

Entertainment

Drawing

Coloring

Letting her place PBSKids.org on the computer upstairs

Puzzles

Book reading

DVDs

Computer movies and videos upstairs on the media center

 

Miho's cell and the phone number will be on the cork board near the phone.

Pediatric Associates nurse hotline will be on the cork board near the phone.

Evergreen emergency room if you need it, that is where we'd take her.

 

The other night I was helping my daughter with her 'homework', which was essentially coloring stuff with a colored pencil. She is only four and starting to learn how to color better, not so much stabbing the paper or slashing it with the pencil but instead using her wrist to be more efficient and even when coloring. Anyway, she obviously started to get impatient and regressed back to the slashing and digging approach. I told her "take your time, it's not important to do it fast, but to do it right". Then I started to think about how I work at my job and realized that I'd be better off listenting to my own advice sometimes. I'm smarter than I think.

 

When it's all said and done, when someone looks at any piece of work, they'll evaulate it first and foremost based on the quality, not how long it took. So don't get distracted with those dummies that are trying to rush rush rush you through your life, they are on the wrong side.

My daughter is going through a shy phase. Actually, I’m not sure whether it’s a phase or just a card kids her age (she’s 4) play when it’s convenient, but I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. The latest shy episode was at the part, about a half hour down the road from our house. I mention it’s proximity because that is one of the main reasons I let her lead us there multiple times a week. So sometimes being close to the park can be great for her but curse for dad.

A few days ago the park was busy with people signing up for a triathlon scheduled for the following day. So there were a lot of kids coming and going at the play area. A few of them decided to play tag, starting by needing to decide who would be ‘it’. Now being it can be figured out a lot of different ways, I had forgotten how many different ways I guess.  Anyway, it looked like a lot of fun so my daughter decided she wanted to play. But since she was shy she needed daddy to help ask to join in, since many of the kids seemed to already know each other and were having so much fun, we felt a little like outsiders. She grabbed my finger and pulled me over. I stuck my foot in to the existing foot circle while asking to play too. The kids agreed and so we started with ‘bubble gum bubble bum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish’. The one landed on gave a number which was counted and then the kid who’s foot corresponded to the number was not it. This went on until there was someone who was it. At some point I was it and I needed to chase the kids around. I hope parents weren’t watching. I mean, I hope they were but I didn’t see any.

As I was running around, the oldest kid who had a bit of a mouth on him, started referring to me as ‘old man’. I thought for a second about how rude that was. Then I realized he wasn’t trying to be rude, he was just identifying me. At some point in running the kid down and tagging him, I reminded him that ‘the old man’ got him.

I saw a 60 year old lady with white pants walking down the street yesterday while I was driving through town. Her pants were tight fitting and white, sort of like a nurse's pants or something. Anyway, she totally tripped and smacked her whole front side on the pavement. She got up and seemed ok so I didn't stop but I got to thinking that if I were younger I probably would have thought it was funny. But I didn't think this was funny at all, so I guess that is just another sign that I'm turning into an old man.

What makes the hyena such a formidable foe? It isn't his "laugh" or his charm. It is his willingness to sink to any low, to eat from the dead carcass and his overall willingness to survive. The hyena is unpredictable at times but one can always count on his selfish motive of survival trumping any other aspect of social behavior.

 

I know some people like that.

I have recently noticed that looney tunes are on itunes for download/purchase. But since I already own Volumes 1 and 2 of the golden collection, I wanted to know which itunes toons weren't on my collections. Heres a list:

itunes	toon	dvd vol	disc
Bugs	Acrobatty Bunny	3	1
Bugs	What's Up, Doc?	1	1
Bugs	French Rarebit	2	1
Bugs	Gorilla My Dreams	2	1
Bugs	Hare Conditioned	2	1
Bugs	Hare Do	3	1
Bugs	A Hare Grows In Manhattan	3	1
Bugs	Hare Tonic	3	1
Bugs	Hillbilly Hare	3	1
Bugs	Long Hared Hare	1	1
Bugs	The rabbit of Seville	1	1
Bugs	Rabbit Seasoning	1	1
Bugs	Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid	1	1
Bugs	What's Opera, Doc?	2	4
Bugs	Easter Yeggs	3	1
Bugs	Wabbit Twouble	1	1
Bugs	Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears	1	3
Bugs	Bugs Bunny Rides Again	2	1
Bugs	Baseball Bugs	1	1
Bugs	Show Biz Bugs	2	4
Daffy	Yankee Doodle Daffy	1	2
Daffy	You Out to Be In Pictures	2	4
Daffy	Duck Amuck	1	2
Daffy	Rabbit Fire	1	2
Daffy	Duck Dodgers in the 24.5 Century	1	2
Daffy	The Scarlet Pumpernickle	1	2
Daffy	Duck Soup to Nuts	2	3
Daffy	Stupor Duck	5	1
Daffy	Daffy Duck and the Dinosour	3	4
Daffy	Daffy Duck Hunt	1	4
Daffy	Daffey Duck Slept Here	3	3
Daffy	Drip-Along Daffy	1	2
Daffy	Book Reveue	2	4
Daffy	Robin Hood Daffy	3	3
Daffy	A-Haunting We will Go	4	3
Daffy	A Pest In the House	5	1
Daffy	The Great Piggy Bank Robbery	2	3
Daffy	A Star Is Bored	5	1
Daffy	The Stupor Salesmane	5	1
Daffy	You Were Never Duckier	5	1
Porky	Baby Bottleneck	2	3
Porky	Boobs in the Woods	1	2
Porky	Claws for Alarm	3	3
Porky	Kitty Kornered	2	3
Porky	Corney Cncerto	2	4
Porky	I haven't got a hat	3	3
Porky	porky pig's feat	3	3
Porky	porky's railroad	4	2
Porky	porky and the teabiscuit	3	3
Porky	porky in wackyland	2	3
Porky	aweful orpha	1	3
Porky	by, bye blubeard	3	3
Porky	the case of the stuttering pig	4	2
Porky	milk and money	5	4
Porky	dough for the do-do	1	2
Porky	an egg-scramble	3	3
Porky	the film fan	3	2
Porky	old glory	2	3
Porky	paying the piper	5	2
Porky	the wearing of the grin	1	2

My wife and I got into a car accident yesterday. There is a fequently trafficed cross walk that has a light. Most non retarded people activate the cross walk light, stopping oncoming traffic. The cars get a red light and have to wait until the people cross. Yesterday some desperate housewife out for a stroll decided she'd ignore the cars and walk against the light entirely. There were about five others tagging along with her. So my wife and I stopped so we wouldn't hit anyone, letting the idiots cross by. My wife honked to let them know they were not following the rules. A second later we heard skid marks and then got hit from behind. The car sort of just nicked our back passenger side quarter pannel. Within seconds there were four cell phones all calling 911. The lady I talked to said it has already been reported. They guy that rear ended us seemed stunned, unable to get out of his car. The cop came and started questioning people, starting with the dumb lady who caused it. The cop took her over to the cross walk and asked her if she saw the little red hand, telling her not to cross. She claimed she had no idea that was there. It wasn't actually the lady we stopped for but some fat old guy behind her. After the cop talked to her I noticed a few key eye witnesses leaving the scene. The cop just sort of ignored it, not really paying attention. After the cop had talked to just about everyone I decided to let him know that I was in the car that got hit. He somehow didn't make an effort to talk to me. He was still talking to the dumb woman. "Excuse me, I just wanted to let you know I was in the car that got hit, if you have any questions for me", I said. Without looking in my direction, the officer put his hand up in my face and said, "Sir, I'm talking to this woman now, I'll talk to you later". Note, this was after chatting with her for about fifteen minutes. When it was all said and done, not only did the guy who caused the accident take off without questioning, but the cop actually never even asked me anything. I found this strange being I was in the car and he told me he would get to me later. I don't think I'll be voting for any tax increases in the future that go towards the police force. The guy that ended up hitting us got a ticket for going to fast and not being able to stop. He told the cop he was distracted by a cell phone and that is why he didn't see us in time. But the cop didn't really listen or pay attention. Instead of giving a ticket specifically for that he cited the cell phone ad a 'contributing factor'. Well, it was THE factor. I don't want to sit back and tell cops how to do their jobs but then again, I expect them to be a little more with it. Not letting witnesses leave a scene and at least interviewing the parties involved. Then again, maybe he walked away with a hot tip for a big date.

Some people think team success has something to do with the aggregate talent of the individuals on the team. They are wrong. It has ONLY  to do with the goals. Do not consider self or individually, these are dangerous distractions. Achieving the goal defines the team. If team members understand, accept and embrace this, they can do anything. If they stray or disagree on the goals and priorities, most is lost. Others can make up for some of this wrong thinking, but ultimately, team goals cannot be met if other things matter.

I went to the potty at work today and noticed that someone had hung a long strip of toilet paper to cover a gap between the stall column and the wall. What on Earth would lead someone to do such a thing? The fact that I have to work in the same building with such creepy people is a little disturbing. The line of sight wasn't even to the toilet. Is the person dancing around in there or something? I think next time when I'm in there I'll "use" that paper blind, big time. When I go to the bathroom and ONLY open stall is the differently abled stall, am I supposed to use it or go upstairs?

I grew up watching Ted Koppel and Nightline. I remember going to bed and turning on my 8 inch black and white tv and after sneaking in a Monday Night Football game. If the game ended before 11:30 I'd flip over to watch Nightline. Looking back I guess it's kind of strange as a 10 year old kid sneaking in a little in depth world news program. There was something in Ted Koppel’s voice; in his delivery that made me interested, something that resonated that what he was deciding to talk about and investigate was very important, that I'd be better off understanding.  

When Koppel announced he was leaving Nightline last year I was disappointed and was not sure what to expect from the new anchor. The uncertainty has since been replaced by distain and disrespect.

I assumed Koppel had left to retire, do other things. I suspected this was spend time with his family, relax and ease into civilian life. The burden of reporting world news on a nightly basis must have been a heavy weight to carry all those years. It was important work. 

The last few months of Koppel's broadcasts on Nightline seemed to show a disturbing trend: splitting what was once a dependable half hour of in depth coverage on a given topic to three 10 minute overviews.  

Since he has left, this has gone even further. No only has the 3 story structure continued, but the show is not really a news show any longer. It is a thin entertainment based magazine. On the day reports on how to deal with the Iraq war comes out two thirds of the show focus on the oj book that's not really going to be a book.

Since Koppel has 'retired' he has popped up on the Discovery channel and NPR, still doing what he does best. I can only read between the lines that he stopped anchoring Nightline because the ABC news execs decided that given the mtv generations attention span, they needed to take the show in a new direction. So they split the half hour into 10 minute surface stories. They hired Martin Bashir, best known up to this point as bring us the micheal jackson documentary. To have Koppel 'replaced' by that clown is a crime. Another theory is that the ABC brass got tired of having to defend Koppel's editorial direction, he wasn't one to shy away of putting what he that was accurate and necessary on the show. 

With so much going on in the world that is important ABC News is doing the viewing public a disservice by not continuing in Koppel's tradition. Doctors don't give sick kids only candy. Network TV shouldn't stop giving us the news.

During Koppel's last broadcast he urged the viewing audience to give the new folks a chance. He warned that if we did not tune in and support the show, it would surely be replaced in short order by a less important format, maybe a comedy or variety show. Well Ted, it seems that is just what has happened.

With elections coming up soon I want to let all you candidates know that I won’t be voting for any of you idiots who have people stand on busy street corners and intersections holding up signs to vote for you. You don’t understand or care how that screws up my commute by distracting all the rubber neckers and causing traffic jams and I have zero confidence in your ability to represent the people. Find some other way to waste thousands of people’s time. I’m keeping a list of you all and it really pains me to not vote for some of you. I am thinking about making a list for you rods that call me at home too, that really gets to me. Leave me alone and quite pretending that I am so incompetent as to not realize the importance of voting.

I was going to get a carton of milk the other day and as I reached for it I started questioning this whole milk thing. Why do we drink cow’s milk? Who started all that and when did it happen? Did it catch on quickly or were these early milk lovers thought as bestiality freaks? Why cows instead of other animals? Do cows think we are perverse for drinking their milk? Do cows want to drink human milk? Doesn’t it make more sense for use to drink human milk? The whole idea of humans drinking cow’s milk seems so arbitrary. And I like the idea of being a dairy farmer for humans…that’d be a lot of fun.

I’ve heard people criticize Aquaman as being the weakest of super heroes. He can control the ocean for god’s sake, how on earth can people say he wasn’t powerful. People think he is wimpy because he gets fish and the creatures of the sea to help him from time to time. I think he could kick most of the other Superfriend’s butts. He could get all the krill and proto plankton to form a huge powerful thing and kill batman and his tight toting friend robin…easily.

She is a real nut job.